He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
