Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
