what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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