singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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