Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
