Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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