***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
