Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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