It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
