hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
