You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
