wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
