I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
