Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i now understand why vodka
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
