if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
