dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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