38 yer olds are good kisserssss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
