just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
