dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
