So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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