i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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