Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
