my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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