fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
