I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
