Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
