I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
