I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am one with the molecules
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
