Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
