so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
