Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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