somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize