I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
