The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
