Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
