they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
