Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
