Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
