would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
