yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
