My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize