just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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