so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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