So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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