my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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