Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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