it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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