just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
