with your own penis?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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