Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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