I want to walk on stilts...naked
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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