You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
