You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
