I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
