Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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