he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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