New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
