There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
