There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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