Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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