..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
