The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
