He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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