her vagine was all disorganized.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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