i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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