I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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