Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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