If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
