he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
