'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
