I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
